remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
