sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
