were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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