We named our party play list daddy issues
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
me + whiskey = a bad person
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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