Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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