My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
