Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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