so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
