Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
