they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
