how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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