i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
