And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
