70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
