he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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