Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
