we have officially lost it.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
