I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
