Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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