He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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