i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
