No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
