my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
