That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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