??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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