A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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