remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
