drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
