I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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