The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
