I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
