oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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