no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
