she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
