Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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