I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
