So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
