fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
