I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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