This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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