Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
