Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
