I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
