I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
