Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
