I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
