Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
