Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
