Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
