Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
